To attain success, everyone talks about working hard and putting up effort. Put it out of your mind! I’m going to try a new approach. I’m going to show you how to lose all of your hard-earned money and pull off a successful death impersonation (or destiny).
Step 1: Be a Sissy-
Being a sissy has more to do with mental fortitude than physical fortitude. I understand that you want to succeed, but you’re hesitant to make a commitment to your goal. You’re wary of taking chances. You’re apprehensive about making decisions. You want things to be perfect before you can “take a chance.” That’s correct! Both Hell and my mother’s famous spicy hot Sancocho soup will freeze one day (author’s note: Hell will freeze first). Nonetheless, hold off until one of the following occurs: You’ve sighted a long-extinct Dodo bird, or you’ve been promised that you won’t fail 100 percent of the time. Don’t do anything…just sit about like a wimp until one of these items is in place.
Step 2: Listen to Stupid People-
Oh, this is one of my personal favourites. In the world, there are two types of people: those who are successful and those who are content. I consider someone successful if they have a job and are financially stable. I define happy as someone who has discovered their “happy spot” in life and is satisfied with their current circumstances. The latter is more about one’s own preferences than it is about money. Knowing this, the key is to never, and I mean NEVER, listen to successful or happy people. They’ll make you sick with their ideas and methods for getting what you want out of life. Pay attention instead to your friends and family members who are broke or unhappy. That way, even if you fail, which is almost inevitable, you’ll have company. And we all know how much company sadness adores. If you don’t heed their advice, you can always blame them (See Rule 9 for more details).
Step 3: Wait for Divine Intervention-
Yes, another method to waste money and trick fate is to simply wait for the ‘invisible hand’ of fate to pass you by and bestow massive wealth upon you. Yes, pray and ask God (whom and whatever he or she is to you) to bless you with all the blessings you deserve. Take a seat and wait for something amazing to happen. Yes, your needs much surpass those of people in other countries who are dying of HIV, malnutrition, violence, and other reasons. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Make your request to God, and if you’re in a hurry, you might want to establish a timeframe for Him. However, if you lift a finger to help yourself, you risk insulting Him by appearing impatient.
Desmond Morris’ “The Human Ape” is a fantastic book. You are missing out on a primal thrill and experience if you haven’t read it. Morris talks about how humans need to emulate others in order to feel accepted and valuable. So, to spend your money and trick your fate, I want you to look around you and buy whatever your friends or coworkers are buying. The wonderful cars and museum (I mean dwelling) will, on the other hand, allow you to travel to any exotic area you like. What about the monetary side of things? What difference does it make? The point is that you want to follow in the footsteps of others. Money and debt are annoyances that should be avoided at all costs. What about the firms that provide credit cards? As a result, the money you owe them is owed to crooks who already have enough of cash and don’t need yours.
Step 5: Take advantage of People-
Here’s a fantastic suggestion. The “golden rule” is a thing of the past, as is being kind. If you can make use of someone, take use of it. If you have the chance to profit from a circumstance, take advantage of it. Consequences?! Bah! When it’s so inconvenient, why bother with such nonsense? For all you know, you’ll probably never have to deal with them again. Even better if it happens to be at work; screw them in whatever way you can. They definitely deserve it because they’re so naive. The main premise is that the next time you have the chance to truly abuse another human being, you should take advantage of it!
Step 6: Invent Your Own Reality-
This one intrigues me. Rather than relying on reality, create your own. Anyone who says, “You’re not being realistic,” ignore them. They’re a complete moron. When someone tells you that your bills are going up because of your excessive spending, just go out and shop some more…you’ll feel better. Remember that money is the source of all evil, and no one should be forced to save or save it for a rainy day. Also, don’t listen to everyone who tells you that you’re wrong because they can’t all be right! And, more than likely, they don’t share your optimistic outlook on life. Those knuckleheads should be ignored.
Step 7: Never Keep a Commitment Again-
Remember that a promise isn’t the same as a commitment the next time you make one. A promise is an agreement to do something, but you can back out at any time without alerting the other person (also known as the “When it’s Convenient Rule”). Yes, overpromising and underdelivering is acceptable. The Convenient Rule is still in place. Remember that if you say you’ll attend a meeting or an appointment, you can cancel at any time without having to notify the other party. Commitments are so confining that you should provide yourself the flexibility to follow or ignore them at any time. What if there are objections from others? They’re just envious jerks who don’t care about your “spontaneity” or free spirit.
Step 8: Blame it on the ISM-
When things don’t go your way, or you don’t receive a promotion or raise, blame a “ISM.” There are several alternatives to choose from. Racism comes in many forms, including RacISM, SexISM, AgeISM, and others. It’s crucial to remember that it’s never your responsibility to create money and opportunities. Someone should always keep an eye out for you because you’ve been crippled (i.e., with an ISM) by society’s unfairness. Someone should also apologise and pay you for the inconvenience you’ve had to endure. Don’t get into the habit of complaining about how “the guy” is preventing you from achieving your goals. Always blame a suit-and-tie-wearing corporate boss for your failure. They’re continually making a mistake. They’re all plain cheaters and liars simply waiting to be exposed.
Bonus rule:
Step 9: It’s Never Your Problem-
It is not your fault if you do poorly or not at all (Corollary to Rule 8). It’s never been a concern of yours. It’s always someone else’s duty. If you can’t find a warm body to blame it on, use someone who has died. Because they can’t contradict the accusation, dead people are wonderful for blaming, and it makes you feel better because it’s not your fault. If you can’t find any deceased people to blame it on, turn to the ultimate trump card: the Universe (or Cosmos). Either one will suffice when it comes to blaming. Simply put, you can blame your misery on an undefined “weird existential mood.” And if someone doesn’t believe you, they’re simply being insensitive and uninformed of the existence of a’much higher level’ existence for which you can’t be held responsible.
If you follow these nine principles, I guarantee you will lose your money and have GREAT SUCCESS faking your destiny.
